Should You Hire a Baby Sleep Consultant? (My Experience and What I Learned)

Baby sleep consultants: do you need one? Do you not need one? What do baby sleep consultants do, anyway?

These were questions I had as a parent, and believe it or not, as a “second-time parent” of a new baby. While things started out rocky with our first (and eventually panned out to be quite fine), nailing sleep with our second was actually the real challenge.

In this guide, discover the reasons you might want to consider a baby sleep coach, or, find out if you should avoid one. I’ll realistically tell you what I’ve learned from working with one, how it went and if/when I’d suggest it for you based on a few considerations.

Let’s start with how we got here.

Why we started considering a baby sleep consultant

Sleep and exhaustion were the two hardest things for me when I had my first child. I was debilitated—I’m not sure how I functioned for so long being that tired. I even wrote this guide to how to get sleep when you have a newborn because… it was extreme, and I was lost.

Things finally eased up around 5-6 months, but the road was long. Then, I got the hang of things, and my first child actually started sleeping through the night and being pretty great on her own (aside from naps… but it wasn’t forever!).

Then we had another baby. On top of having a baby, we also had a toddler. It wasn’t even that we had survived the first weeks of newborn and toddler, but it’s actually what came LATER that boggled my mind.

When we transitioned our second child to the crib and the nursery, things slid downhill just very fast. It was the 4-month sleep regression, and it seemed like it wasn’t ending (it lasted the maximum possible!). I was missing out on social life, I was petrified as most nights began and I was just plain tired.

Things got slightly better as our baby turned 6 months, but they were not perfect (that was OK—babies are not perfect!). I considered that outside help could assist with working on independent sleep so that I could get a break. I hadn’t had nights to myself in ages. I missed sitting on the couch after dinner, relaxing like a regular person and not dashing off to bed to start my “sleep hours” just in case of surprising situations overnight.

In any case, yes: we worked with a baby sleep consultant (her name is Tali from Hushwell Sleep).

In this article, I will tell you first-hand about how to find a sleep consultant, what to expect, if you should work with one, if you SHOULDN’T work with one and what value you may find in the experience.

How to choose a pediatric sleep consultant

There are a few ways to choose a baby sleep consultant! These are the ways I’ve found, in both my experience as well as the research I’ve done with mom friends of mine in my circles.

Proximity to your home

For some sleep consultants, working geographically close to their clients’ homes is helpful. Whereas we worked with our sleep consultant (only 25 miles away from each other at any given moment) virtually and via text and Zoom calls, some parents might want the benefit of having a sleep consultant close by so that they can meet the child, meet the parents in person and see the sleep space for the baby or toddler.

As “second-time parents,” we were confident in our baby’s sleep space, and mostly needed the guidance on how to have better night sleep and naps. I can see, though, that for a lot of parents out there, meeting their sleep coach in person and having access to them locally is a plus.

Perspectives and outlooks

I’m going to bring up just one example from a webinar I attended. It was hosted by a local (local to my town, I mean!) baby sleep consultant who talked about baby sleep regressions and what to expect. I had recently been through a prolonged sleep regression, so I figured I’d attend.

What I found was that the sleep consultant hosting the webinar had different ideas of night feedings than I did, and this is a touchy subject.

She was referring to babies outgrowing the need for night feedings at a certain age, which is just one perspective of many. I won’t harp on the details, but I’ll just say that I found out by attending her webinar that this didn’t quite align with my views on the subject, and it let me figure out that I wouldn’t want to hire her for my child’s sleep.

General demeanor and personality

Luckily, lots of pediatric sleep consultants offer free intro calls. This is usually a hook for them to get your business, BUT, often, getting a free intro call with several of them will let you compare their styles, personalities and even how dedicated they may seem to their work—and to YOU.

In my first video call with Tali, she listened to all my opinions, experiences and goals for my child. In addition to that, she was gentle, easygoing and nice to talk to.

I have joined webinars over the years given by pediatric sleep consultants who seem picky, cocky, strong-headed or stubborn, and my advice is to watch for red flags like these when you choose who to hire. It will be a big decision, and also a big investment from you and your time.

Their experience

There are two ways to look at this: of course, a pediatric sleep consultant who has been doing the job for countless years will have hundreds of case studies under their belt in terms of experience.

However, if you think you’d connect more and be looking for the empathy of a sleep consultant professional who currently has a child your age, like a baby, or a toddler of a similar age, then that type of real-time experience can be a big benefit, too.

When we worked with Tali, our children were 2.5 and 6 months. Her children were 2, and 4 months. Things like having to reschedule calls, or talking about middle-of-the-night wake-ups resonated easily with her because she had been through the baby and young toddler ringer recently and more currently.

Why I caved and decided to try a baby sleep coach

After a six-week (this is the “maximum” for a baby sleep regression) 4-month baby sleep regression that turned my world upside down (I was sleeping 4-5 hours a night, going to bed at 8:45 or 9pm and even taking naps when I was too exhausted), I couldn’t believe what I’d been through.

During the regression and my extreme exhaustion, a friend suggested hiring a sleep consultant. I know better, though: sleep regressions DO end!

Typically I scoff at this type of thing and say, “I know from having had a child before that babies grow up, and their tendencies change week by week, and one day he’s going to be a 2-year-old who sleeps through the night.”

But until then? I wasn’t enjoying parenting very much at all.

I did text a sleep consultant who had come to speak to my local moms group, and she said, quite bluntly, “Sleep train.” I knew it was the thing we had to do.

Dan and I tried to commit to sleep training a few times, but it was too painful. Despite the sound machine, blackout curtains and fancy crib—no luck. There was no one holding us to sticking to any type of plan. We did not really have a plan to take me out of my misery, get back on track and hope for the best.

My real experience with our sleep consultant, Tali

We found Tali, and clicked: she listened to me very closely, understanding that we had just started daycare at 6 months for our second child and that things were a bit up in the air with a sleep schedule and getting used to the transition.

No worries. She told us what we’d get in working with her:

A personalized sleep plan for our baby
A kick-off call with her, where we’d discuss the plan and how to implement it
First 3 nights of support while we started independent sleep methods
Two weeks of support during which we could tell her about progress and field any questions to her
An assessment, results and celebration video call at the end

I was really impressed with the plan she put together for our baby. She took into account his age, his typical day, the areas in which we were going to work on improvement like independent soothing and even how to start gradually with everything, rather than changing all our variables at once. The transition to daycare was plenty!

We decided to start with Tali’s plan when we had been in daycare two weeks already, to give the new daycare daily schedule some time to settle and seem like the norm.

The results

I think the results were equally for us as much as they were for our baby. Dan and I felt like our decisions were being watched (we typically told Tali everything we did in terms of naps and night sleep, and she checked in most mornings!), which made us stand strong as parents implementing her expert best practices for our child’s needs.

Within a week, our baby could put himself to sleep in 10-20 minutes, compared to 40 minutes during the first week. And we were even putting him down for self-soothing in the crib once a day on weekends when we’d find ourselves home, in between activities, for our toddler’s nap after lunch time.

Our baby’s night sleep also improved, and I could say that this is either coincidence that he was edging toward being 7 months old by the end of our engagement with Tali, or, that his independent start to the night was really making him sleep longer right off the bat, and wake up only once or not at all.

Either way, it just so happened that we were so much more well rested by the end of our time in having hired Tali that I was starting to go to bed at 10pm and had time for myself to work on things I wanted to after the kids were in bed. I felt like myself again.

When you really might want to hire a sleep consultant

As I see it, there are a few times when you might want to get a sleep coach for your baby.

You’re a first time parent, and you’re not sure what to expect with baby sleep if your child is waking up a lot and puts up a fight with going to bed for the night.
Your child takes really short naps and doesn’t let you rest.
Your child wakes up REALLY excruciatingly early for the day (I mean like 4 or 5 am) and will not settle.
Your child wakes up excessively during the night.
Your child has not mastered “independent sleep skills” and relies on “props” or assistance to go to bed for the night.
Your child’s poor sleep is affecting your quality of life as a parent, or you are unable to rest sufficiently and perform up to speed at your job or in day to day life.

Phew! That should cover it all. I am sure there are other situations out there that require a baby sleep consultant, but those are the ones I’ve come up with based on my own experience and the experiences of people close to me.

Note from me: KEEP IN MIND that babies “sleep through the night” at all different ages, from 2 months to 2 years. What I’m referring to was the independent sleep aspect.

When you might be able to avoid hiring a baby sleep consultant

In my experience, which certainly does not cover all baby sleep circumstances at all, I avoided hiring a sleep consultant with my first child, despite some pretty “bad” sleep.

By “bad,” of course, we’re comparing baby sleep to adult sleep: babies wake up a lot (well, some do), they want to have a feed in the middle of the night, and yes—they might wake up “for the day” at 5:30 am! All of these things change with age, though, so with my first child, I wasn’t interested in hiring a baby sleep consultant. I hoped that things would improve 100% on their own, and guess what: they did.

You also might be able to avoid hiring a baby sleep consultant if you just don’t care so much. That’s right: it’s hard to stop caring, but for parents who are chill with turning off the baby monitor, or stopping stressing over naps, you can get by with letting your child run their antics and hope that they’ll grow out of all their inconvenient sleep phases.

Is it worth it? (value for what you get)

In our specific situation, yes: it was worth it to experiment, try something new, gain an outside/expert perspective on our child and work with a baby sleep coach.

Like I mentioned and keep mentioning, my quality of life was suffering and I was growing frustrated at what seemed like a never-ending black hole (somewhat literally): feeding our baby to sleep, and having to start the process over if I put him down and he woke up. It was a cycle—a tough one.

In working with Tali and cementing a schedule for weekends that we could aim to stick to for our baby, we felt confident that there was a method to the madness of baby sleep at our child’s specific age. We also had more of the tools for sleep training, and working with Tali made us stick to the plan.

I really do think that working with a sleep coach for your baby or toddler is like having a personal trainer: if you hired a personal trainer, would you NOT do what they said, during your personal trainer sessions? Would you say, “I don’t feel like taking your advice,” after dumping your money into hiring them?

So the same goes here, if you consider a baby sleep coach like a personal trainer: after making the investment, the point is to go by what the sleep coach is suggesting you do with your child. And another big value for us was having access to Tali during her business hours to ask her questions, like if our day took an unexpected turn and we had to (just as an example) aim for a cat nap and later bedtime versus skipping a cat nap and opting for an early (yikes!) bedtime for our baby.

What to keep in mind about hiring a baby sleep consultant

Well, first of all, pediatric sleep consultants are not doctors. They’re also not physicians, nor medical professionals. Most have a pediatric sleep consultant certification. You should never, ever assume that they take health insurance. It is likely not the case.

If you think your child really has a medical condition that is affecting his or her sleep, reach out to your child’s doctor or a specialist via a doctor’s referral. Pediatric sleep consultants cannot make medical conditions simply disappear, if they are ones that are affecting a baby or toddler’s sleep.

Also, keep in mind that “your miles may vary.” The example is my cousin, whose children were early wakers (I mean really early - 4 and 5 am) as toddlers. She hired a pediatric sleep consultant and rumor has it that there wasn’t much that could be done, and the problem went unsolved.

I’d recommend hiring a sleep coach for your baby if you’ve run out of other options, OR, if you want guidance through various parts of your baby or toddler’s sleep patterns. I’ll repeat this on repeat: during my first year as a parent to my first child, I was continually SHOCKED at how unprepared I was in my expectations of how babies sleep. I’m still saying, “WOW.”

For me, the breaking point with my second child was realizing that my life was not how I expected it to look, with my second child already six months and my toddler approaching age 3. I was spending so much time feeding the baby to sleep, because it worked. But on nights it didn’t work, I had to do it again and again, until it worked, and I’d be eating my dinner in the dark with one hand, wondering when I’d get some time to myself.

I previously scoffed at the idea of a baby sleep consultant: was someone really going to help my baby sleep better? And HOW? I had done all my research, what with following baby sleep Instagram accounts the “first time around” with my first child, and getting frustrated by them, and then just Googling things as they came up with my second baby.

It was nights when I’d text Dan from upstairs, “Wow, this really stinks,” or, “When will it end?” that I helped myself realize that it didn’t have to be this way and that we could use an outside perspective.

The other thing is, for me, I found that when I’d be complaining to friends about how my baby went to sleep, or how many times he woke up at night, or how tired I was, it was time to just try something new. We both didn’t know what to expect in working with a baby sleep coach, but having an expert in our pocket who we could ask questions and who could pat us on the back for successful nights was a welcome change.

My misconceptions about baby sleep consultants

Originally, I was not sure what sleep consultants did. I knew my cousin had tried one. I also knew that it hadn’t really panned out into “success” to solve the issues they were experiencing.

I also knew that there were women making full time businesses out of sleep consulting. And how? Were they just telling babies how to sleep? I really did not understand the concept. It seemed like just another thing to spend money on, cementing for me that babies really do cost a lot of money.

I also thought that maybe sleep consultants just told you how to sleep train a baby: let them cry, and see how it goes. I knew there were some other softer and gentler methods to sleep training—ones that took a lot of time and effort from parents.

Truth be told, I was in the dark about what sleep consultants did.

What I learned about pediatric sleep consultants

The first time I really learned what sleep consultants did was when a pediatric sleep consultant came to talk to my moms’ group. Her Q&A session was very helpful, and a lot of us asked truly honest questions like how to get our babies to take naps that were not 30 minutes, or what an ideal bed time was for a 4 month old. You get the point!

What I learned also was that there are worlds outside of mine, and there are babies who sleep much differently than my kids (who have always preferred to see the world and be awake, rather than sleep. Just like me!). There are babies and toddlers who co-sleep with parents, and there are parents who sit with their children until they fall asleep, because that is what has worked for so many months (or even years).

Pediatric sleep consultants understand these scenarios and can work with parents to give their children the gift of independent sleep, and can restore parents back to being well-rested and relaxed about their child’s sleeping time.

I guess I’ve been influenced! I learned a lot just in that one session, and that was before we even started working with Tali as our baby sleep coach.

Why I wrote this

I wrote this because I had my doubts about baby sleep consultants. I really did. I went through my first child’s first year with a lot of struggle in the beginning, and looking back, there are things I could’ve done for my sanity, as well as for my child’s sleep. That aside, she became an amazing sleeper, and I applaud myself for figuring out what worked, and giving her time to progress.

With our second child, and with already having a toddler at home, and NEW changes and challenges in our lives as parents of two, things were different. Naturally! We decided to give the “OK” to working with a baby sleep consultant to see if things could improve, and now that I have the perspective of having had no professional sleep coaching with our first child and a “YES” to professional sleep consulting for our second, I can see things both ways.

I actually think a lot of sleep consultants do work with first-time parents who have had their first child, but funny enough, I think it could be that parents with their second may be more open to hiring a baby sleep expert because they want to protect the sleep of their second child. And plus, parenting two kids is a LOT of work!

I wrote this to help you see the following things:

That it’s okay to be a second-time parent with your second child, and hire a sleep coach
That needing to work with a sleep consultant is OK! It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with your child, or anything wrong with your parenting.
That pediatric sleep consultants, like other experts (feeding consultants, lactation consultants, and more) are versed in what works and what may not work, so that you can learn and get rest for the whole family.

It’s a cool concept, overall, one that I am now open to suggesting for tired parents with babies or kids.